Monday, March 31, 2014

A Lesson in Humility

When I took trips to Nicaragua as a volunteer with Bridges to Community during high school, I distinctly remember finding it amusing that the Nicaraguan masons with whom we worked would always rinse the cement off their boots at the end of the day.  As a teenager participating in a weeklong, adventurous service learning trip in what I perceived at the time as an exotic country, I prided myself on being dirty at the end of each day.  There was something liberating about getting absolutely filthy and not giving a damn about it.  Not to mention, how dirty you got was considered to be an indisputable measurement of how hard you had worked.  Why would I ever want to wash away the evidence of my obviously superior cement mixing skills?
Well, I still find a certain sense of satisfaction in working and sweating until I am abominably filthy, but I found out the hard way that there is a very practical reason why Nicaraguans rinse their boots off at the end of a day on the construction site.  After a couple months of working full time with Bridges, I discovered that cement literally eats away at fabric, leather, and rubber if you don’t clean it off your clothing and shoes before it dries.  My trusty L.L. Bean work boots soon had gaping holes in them, and the rubber soles gradually detached themselves and began to flop around as I walked.  Eventually I had to discard my well-loved boots and acquire a new pair.  After that, I followed the masons’ example and diligently rinsed off my boots at the end of each day.
The trouble with washing off your boots is that the water on our worksites was usually stored in huge, chest-high metal barrels.  Ok, so maybe they were waist-high for those who are not vertically challenged.  But regardless, they were high enough that using your hands to splash enough water onto your boots to clean them properly without going through the arduous ordeal of taking them off was always a bit of a challenge.  So one afternoon when we had just finished mixing a massive batch of cement, I found myself wandering around the worksite looking for a small bowl of some sort that I could use to scoop water onto my feet.
An elderly woman who lived next door in what could tactfully be described as a humble home took note of my aimless wandering and asked me what I was looking for.  She was one of those women whose face had been so weathered by the sun and body so ravaged by years of scrubbing clothes and carrying firewood that it was impossible to tell whether she was sixty or eighty five.  Nonetheless, her appearance was pristine.  She wore a conservative blouse, an immaculate white skirt, and her hair was twisted into a knot on the back of her head.  She hobbled slowly into her home, emerged with a small plastic dish, and proceeded to fill it with water for me.

As I reached out to take the dish from her, I was first confused and then dismayed as instead of passing it to me she knelt down in the mud and cement at my feet.  Despite my fervent protests and a few meek attempts to take the the bowl, she proceeded to wash my boots meticulously.  She wiped mud from the rubber soles, scraped cement out from under the laces, and then carefully rinsed off any remaining traces of grime.  I was utterly at a loss as to how to react to this act that to her must have seemed like a basic act of civility, but to me felt like a manifestation of the fundamentally unacceptable imbalance of power in this world.  So once she had finished devotedly washing my boots I just said thank you.  She smiled, nodded, and shuffled back into her house.



Friday, March 28, 2014

An Honest Cover Letter

Unemployed Person
The Suburbs
My Parents’ House
3/28/14

An Organization I Saw Online
Trendy Neighborhood
Any Large Metropolitan Area

Just In Case Someone Reads This,
            I am writing to inform you that I am unemployed and have been for a period of time that is now beginning to look bad on my resume.  I learned about the exciting new opportunity available at your organization when I briefly checked idealist.org while taking a break from watching Netflix and eating a snack in my bed.  As soon as I read the job description I knew that it would be the perfect match for me because it is actually a salaried position that does not require a masters degree.  I feel confident that I could do the job adequately, but I am also aware that a multitude of much more qualified candidates will apply and I will never receive so much as a confirmation that you received this application.
            I attended a college and worked at other jobs in the past.  Most of the responsibilities and required skills at my last job are not relevant to the position I am currently applying for, but over the last few months I have become very skilled at making it sound like they are.  In the past I had specific career goals and a passionate commitment to certain things.  An extended period of unemployment has left me unable to recall what those things were at this time.  Were I able to do so, I would eloquently make connections between those things and the values mentioned in the mission statement on your website.
            I would describe myself as detail-oriented, proactive, culturally competent, flexible, organized, fun and even cute if that helps.  In fact I am willing to go so far as to assert that I am extremely gifted, experienced in everything, possess rare talents, am perfect, and can be accurately described by any other positive sounding adjectives that you deem desirable in a candidate for this position.  I am eager to confirm that I am comfortable working under pressure in a fast paced environment, possess strong communication skills, and I will even say that I work well as a member of a team as well as independently even though that seems like it’s probably a contradiction for most people.  In short, I am committed to describing my skills and work habits in whatever way sounds best.
Although the job application process had gradually but decidedly worn away at my self-confidence and sense of ambition, I maintain hope that if someone would contact me for an interview I would at least be able to feel things again.  Accordingly, I look forward to hearing back from you regarding this job opening, another job opening at your organization, or literally any job opening anywhere ever.  I appreciate your time and consideration, since being unemployed is the worst and you have the power to save me.

Desperately,

An Unemployed Person

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Things people say to you when you've just returned from living in a "third world" country and my somewhat snarky responses

1.) It must have been so hard living there.  I could never do that.
Actually it wasn’t and you totally could.  Sure, there were aspects of life in Nicaragua that were harder than life here in good old ‘Merica.  I got catcalled every morning while I walked my dog in my frumpy pajamas, going to the bank to cash a check usually took at least two hours, and sometimes I discovered that my underwear had gotten moldy in my dresser (true story).  But I also lived 20 minutes away from a pristine volcanic laguna where I could go swimming with my friends and drink rum on the beach, I found that it was not at all uncommon to wake up on Sunday morning to some sort of elaborate and/or debaucherous parade passing my house, and people gave me fresh mangos for free all the time.  It doesn’t take long to get used to going without the little conveniences that we have in the USA, and you really don’t miss them much when you’re eating a huge avocado in your hammock.

2.) You’re finally back in civilization!!!
Does this even merit a response?  Probably not, but since I’ve heard it pretty often let me spell out something that I really thought everyone already knew until so many people said this to me:  no country or culture is more or less civilized than any other.  To suggest otherwise, even if you’re kinda sorta joking around, is really pretty offensive.  
During the entire time I was in Nicaragua I don’t think I ever saw anyone eat food in front of others without offering to share it with whoever was present, and that includes children under the age of five.  I noticed that whenever anyone entered a room, they always went out of their way to personally greet and chat with everyone in it.  No one would ever refill their own glass without offering to refresh everyone else’s first.  And I can’t even count the number of times that people invited me into their homes, offered me food, gave me a ride, insisted on helping me, etc. etc. etc.  I could go on for pages listing the many ways in which Nicaraguans struck me with their generosity and attentiveness to others.  But instead I’ll just say this:  don’t call those people uncivilized in front of me.

3.) You are so brave!

Thanks, but I’m really not.  Nicaragua is one of the safest countries in Central America, with homicide rates at just 13 per 100,000 in 2012, compared to Honduras where that same stat went up to 82 in 2010.  Even right here in the US of A,  homicides in Detroit reached 54.6 per capita in 2012.  I know, when you hear the word “Nicaragua” you vaguely associate it with some sort of war in the 80’s.  But you should really try to get past that because it’s one of the only countries in Central America that still isn’t overrun by drug crime, and it has a rapidly growing eco-tourism industry.  If you ever find yourself balking at the idea of visiting Nicaragua, just keep in mind that literally the worst thing that happened to me while I lived there was that I was once on a two hour bus ride where I had to pee the entire time and couldn’t get off.  I know that sounds ridiculous but you are seriously underestimating how badly I had to pee.


4.) You took bucket showers?? It must feel great to take a real, hot shower and finally get clean.

Ok, first of all can we talk about the fact that you think I haven’t been clean for the past two years?  Actually let’s not, I don’t really want to think too much about that.  Instead I’ll just explain the two differences between a bucket shower and a “real” shower:
1.  When you take a “real” shower the water is mechanically pumped above your head through a pipe and then it falls on you.  When you take a bucket shower, you lift the water up and pour it over your head manually using a small bowl.  Contrary to popular belief, this is not an egregious human rights violation.  In fact, once you’ve done it a few times, it doesn’t even feel inconvenient.  It just feels like taking a shower.
2.  When you take a “real” shower the water is automatically heated up in a tank before it falls on you.  When you take a bucket shower, if you want the water to be warm you have to boil some of it on the stove first.  This really isn’t that inconvenient, all it takes is a little bit of foresight and about 15 seconds of your time, but you still won’t do it because it’s 80 degrees out.

5.) Were there any foods that you missed?

Excellent question.  The answer is pizza.*

6.) Do you miss it?


Reaction GIF: agreeing, nod, yes, crying, Oprah Winfrey

































*This applies equally to when I lived in Ohio