Things people say to you when you've just returned from living in a "third world" country and my somewhat snarky responses

1.) It must have been so hard living there.  I could never do that.

Actually it wasn’t and you totally could.  Sure, there were aspects of life in Nicaragua that were harder than life here in good old ‘Merica.  I got catcalled every morning while I walked my dog in my frumpy pajamas, going to the bank to cash a check usually took at least two hours, and sometimes I discovered that my underwear had gotten moldy in my dresser (true story).  But I also lived 20 minutes away from a pristine volcanic laguna where I could go swimming with my friends and drink rum on the beach, I found that it was not at all uncommon to wake up on Sunday morning to some sort of elaborate and/or debaucherous parade passing my house, and people gave me fresh mangos for free all the time.  It doesn’t take long to get used to going without the little conveniences that we have in the USA, and you really don’t miss them much when you’re eating a huge avocado in your hammock.

2.) You’re finally back in civilization!!!

Does this even merit a response?  Probably not, but since I’ve heard it pretty often let me spell out something that I really thought everyone already knew until so many people said this to me:  no country or culture is more or less civilized than any other.  To suggest otherwise, even if you’re kinda sorta joking around, is really pretty offensive.  

During the entire time I was in Nicaragua I don’t think I ever saw anyone eat food in front of others without offering to share it with whoever was present, and that includes children under the age of five.  I noticed that whenever anyone entered a room, they always went out of their way to personally greet and chat with everyone in it.  No one would ever refill their own glass without offering to refresh everyone else’s first.  And I can’t even count the number of times that people invited me into their homes, offered me food, gave me a ride, insisted on helping me, etc. etc. etc.  I could go on for pages listing the many ways in which Nicaraguans struck me with their generosity and attentiveness to others.  But instead I’ll just say this:  don’t call those people uncivilized in front of me.

3.) You are so brave!

Thanks, but I’m really not.  Nicaragua is one of the safest countries in Central America, with homicide rates at just 13 per 100,000 in 2012, compared to Honduras where that same stat went up to 82 in 2010.  Even right here in the US of A,  homicides in Detroit reached 54.6 per capita in 2012.  I know, when you hear the word “Nicaragua” you vaguely associate it with some sort of war in the 80’s.  But you should really try to get past that because it’s one of the only countries in Central America that still isn’t overrun by drug crime, and it has a rapidly growing eco-tourism industry.  If you ever find yourself balking at the idea of visiting Nicaragua, just keep in mind that literally the worst thing that happened to me while I lived there was that I was once on a two hour bus ride where I had to pee the entire time and couldn’t get off.  I know that sounds ridiculous but you are seriously underestimating how badly I had to pee.

4.) You took bucket showers?? It must feel great to take a real, hot shower and finally get clean.

Ok, first of all can we talk about the fact that you think I haven’t been clean for the past two years?  Actually let’s not, I don’t really want to think too much about that.  Instead I’ll just explain the two differences between a bucket shower and a “real” shower:

1.  When you take a “real” shower the water is mechanically pumped above your head through a pipe and then it falls on you.  When you take a bucket shower, you lift the water up and pour it over your head manually using a small bowl.  Contrary to popular belief, this is not an egregious human rights violation.  In fact, once you’ve done it a few times, it doesn’t even feel inconvenient.  It just feels like taking a shower.

2.  When you take a “real” shower the water is automatically heated up in a tank before it falls on you.  When you take a bucket shower, if you want the water to be warm you have to boil some of it on the stove first.  This really isn’t that inconvenient, all it takes is a little bit of foresight and about 15 seconds of your time, but you still won’t do it because it’s 80 degrees out.

5.) Were there any foods that you missed?

Excellent question.  The answer is pizza.*

6.) Do you miss it?

*This applies equally to when I lived in Ohio